Rock Bottom
by Gandalf3213
Summary: What would happen if the characters knew they were being manipulated by J.K. Rowling? Various character's thoughts in different situations where they are confronted with their fictional existance. Chapter 12: Ron vs. Cold
1. Ode to Black Lake

**I don't own Harry Potter**

Harry hated the lake. He had officially decided this three minutes ago. He had found Ron already. All he was doing was waiting at the bottom of the lake.

Why was he doing that?

Because he was the hero. Because J.K. made him that way. Because he was a naturaly good guy. Blah, blah, blah.

Harry sat down and moped (well, technactly, he couldn't sit at the bottom of theBlack Lake, but whatever.) Until he started moving.

Harry was not in charge of his own body. The Big Boss-a.k.a., J.K. Rowling- was in charge of it for him. Obeying her commands, he moved forward and cut the little girl's rope. Then hegrabbed afistful of Ron's robes and grabbed the girl by the neck of her shirt and started kicking towads the surface.

"Thank you J.K."Hewhispered fervently. Ofcourse,no words actually came out, only bubbles, but Harry didn't care. For once, Harry was going to get an _easy _task.

_"Suddenly, Harry felt his grip on Ron slipping..."_

'No! Please, no!' Harry prayed. He had grown rather fond of Ron over the countless months they speant together stuck inside J.K.'s computer.

Plus, who wanted to die at the bottom of a lake?

Harry used all his will power to hold onto his best mate, but he already felt J.K.'s words come true. Ron was slipping.

"NO!" The cry escaped unbidden from Harry's throat. Of course, it turned into bubbles, but what would anyone else have done if they knew their best friend was going to drown.

Then Ron was floating upwards, against the current. He was propelled by an unseen force.

"What?" Harry gasped from his position in the lake.

"What?" J.K. Rowling exclaimed, sitting at her computer.

"What?" The fans of the book yelled months later, at three o' clock in the morning, just hours after the book was released.

Then all three parties shrugged, and went on swimming, or typing, or reading, depending on who they were.

"Welcome to my life." was Harry's last thought just before he broke the suface of the lake.

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Possibly the stupidest thing ever written. Whatever,I still like reveiws. 


	2. Ode to Shrieking Shack

**Yeah, I don't own this either.**

Ron hated this.

Okay, so he'd put up with going into a forest. That was actually kind of fun. But then good ol' Rowling made him afraid of spiders.

Yeah, not so fun after that.

And then-this was great-she decided that a roof would cave in near him, so that he was stuck in this little confined space with a person that was clinically insane.

But this one took the cake. Really, who wouldn't want to be dragged across a damp lawn? Come on, that was every kid's dream, right?

Oh yeah, and the dog? He was just a big puppy, right? And the fact that that same dog was biting on his leg hard enough to rip it off had nothing to do with anything, did it Jo?

And the broken leg? That was just a little mis-print. It really doesn't hurt when you think about, does it Ronnie?

Ron really hoped J.K. would let Harry get here before the dog did anything _really _nasty to him.

Oh, this is great, steps. Just getting dragged up the steps by this arm, ladie-da. Yeah, this doesn't hurt at all, really, don't worry about old Ron.

Ouch, splinter in back. Ouch, that really, **really** hurts.

Finally, we're in the room. This is our final destination, Jo? Nothing a little spiffier, like the Hilton? Or someplace with a real bed, at least?

Wait, you're not making him change, are you?

Yeah, you are. Thank you, Jo, you just made Ron's day. So he's really Sirius Black, huh? Never saw that one coming...

Okay, so I did. But if you don't want your characters knowing what's going to happen, you really shouldn't leave your notes out on the hard drive where they are so easily accessible.

Umm...he's coming towards me. With his wand pointing at my body. (Which really hurts, by the way. No, not the wand! My body! Gosh, some people are so _dense_.)

And Harry comes to save the day. Jo, you need to get some new material, 'cause I'm really getting tired of playing damsel in distress.

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Pointless and weird, just the way I like it. So, you like Ron's little cameo? Good, tell me about it. 


	3. Ode to Poison

**I don't own this book, or anything like that.**

This is great. Really, really great.

Okay, Ron's just gone a little psycho. Thanks to-you guessed it-Mrs. J.K. Rowling herself. And now I'm racing down the halls (does it really _have_ to be racing? Whatever happened to good ol' walking?) to try to get Ron out from under this stupid Love Spell thingy.

Good thing I magically became Sluggy's favorite, huh?

One other thing, you should put him in new PJ's, Jo. Just as a heads up.

God, it stinks in here. Is that _rum_? I thought they banned that years ago! I have to give you credit though, Mrs. High-and-mighty, Ron does look like a complete doofus tripping over those chairs.

...What do you mean why couldn't I mix up the potion myself! Hello, you see my potion making abilities! Without the Prince, they'd be el zippo, kapeesh?

Well, at least that made Ron calm down a bit. Actually, now he looks kind of sick.

No you aren't, Jo! Why do you **insist **on ruining birthdays? Do you **like **to do that? Do you **enjoy** doing it?

Apparently you do, 'cause Ron's kind of, well, dying.

Oh God, Ron's dying! That means I'll actually have to do something!

And here comes more running. Isn't that getting kind of old now? And some franticly searching stuff only to find...

A rock.

Ookkaay...yeah. So I have this rock thing and _what_ am I supposed to do with it? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO SHOVE IT DOWN HIS THROAT! Isn't that going to _hurt_ more then _help_? Won't that just hurt, period?

Funny thing about poisons.

Umm...this was a poison, right? Just making sure.

So, where was I? Oh yeah! The funny thing about poisons is that they make you kind of look like your dead. Unless you really are dead. In that case, they make you look like your supposed to.

Except Ron looks kind of dead now. Actually, he looks really dead now.

And the teacher does nothing. Typical.

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Another pointless story by moi. Hope you enjoyed it! Hope you enjoyed reading this because now that you've come this far you mine as well review! 


	4. Ode to Wizard's Chess

**I own it not.**

I love chess.

Have I ever mentioned that? 'Cause I really do. And I'm good at it, too. I oncewon againstBill, Charlie, Percy, Fred and George, and dad all in one day. When I was seven years old. It's my only talent.

Thanks, J.K., by the way. For giving me no talent. (rolls eyes) And also for giving Harry and Hermione _no skill whatsoever_ at Wizard's Chess because, you know, stopping a dark wizard from taking over THE ENTIRE WORLD was just not enough. No, we had to play a life-sized game of Wizard's Chess.

Brilliant.

Oh, and you could at least tell us that the pieces are vicious! Are you, like, mental, Jo? Do you **enjoy** seeing eleven-year-olds fight for their lives? Apparently you do.

I get to be a knight, at least. And send people into battle. And control the lives of my friends. Gulp.

Okay, J.K., why did you make me like this, huh? Am I seriously the only one in the world who knows how to play Wizard's Chess? And another thing, why is Harry so damn stubborn?

Questions that will never get answered. Sigh.

And a bishop gets killed by the queen. Two pawns killed by the queen. Both rooks killed by the queen. Hermione killed by the queen (got you there, didn't I?) And the other knight killed by, you guessed it, the queen.

And Harry gets the open spot. How come it's always Harry, Jo? Why not let good ol' Ron save the day. For once. All we have to do is distract the queen and Harry gets to win. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Aww...why am I always the distraction?

Yeah don't worry, Hermione, just Ron going into certain death. No seriously, don't scream, I hate it when girls scream like that.

Wow, that arm looks big. And heavy. And it's coming straight towards my head.

This is going to hurt.

Note to self- Kill Harry next time you have the chance for dragging you into this in the first place.

Ouch.

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Ron's just too funny not to love. Review! 


	5. Ode to Huge Spiders

**Don't own anything**

Harry may not particularly _dis_like spiders, but he didn't want to go into a forest with spiders sixteen freakin' feet tall. And yet here he was, surrounded by them, and why? Well, for the only reason a guy can give in this situation. It was for a girl.

Granted, the girl was Hermione, but that still counted, right?

Harry was really glad Ron couldn't hear his thoughts, or else he'd probably be dead by now. What with Ron's not-so-secret crush on You-Know-Who. Not _that_ You-Know-Who, sickos!

And Ron? Well, he was all right with the whole spider thing. He was actually trying to just laugh it off. Until good ol' J.K. made him afraid of spiders. After that, well, let's just say Harry's hand felt like it was going to fall off.

And what is with Hagrid's fascination with things that could eat you in one gulp, huh? Really, who needed huge spiders and dragons and snakes? Seriously!

Oh, and back to that whole girl thing...Harry really hoped that J.K. wouldn't kill him off now, because then she'd have to change it to _Hermione Granger and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ which didn't have the same ring, really.

Yes, dear Rowling, I was looking in your hard drive again. Didn't you learn your lesson when me and Ron broke in their to try to make all the future girls cuter? I mean, if you have to be paired up with someone by a matchmaker coughROWLINGcough it mine as well be someone hot, right?

Oh yeah, the spiders. Okay, so we were stuck in these huge claws of theirs, and Fang was barking like the mad dog he is (mad as in crazy, people) and I looked at Ron, and I knew what he was thinking. We were so totally going to die.

And I really didn't want to die. I am only twelve years old! Who wants to die as a twelve year ole, in the hands of a huge spider, in a place where you're not even supposed to be? Anybody?

Didn't think so.

Okay, all powerful Madame Rowling, how're we going to get out of this one? Let me guess, Dumbledore's going to save us, right? Or, knowing you, it'll be Filch, or Nearly Headless Nick...

Or the flying car that we stranded here earlier in the book. Yeah, I guess that'll work too. But Rowling?

Next time, please don't make Ron afraid of spiders. My arm feels like it's going to fall off.

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Hey, review, 'kay? 


	6. Ode to Stupid Death Eaters

**I own nothing**

I didn't even have a chance to worry about where I was going. I threw open the door directly in front of me, hoping that the others would follow. I could hear the Death Eaters right behind us.

I was so glad that this was just a test run. It _is _a test run, right Mrs. Rowling?

It's just that I think she hates me. She might have told us it was a test run, but in reality it might be the real thing. Does that make any sense? Didn'ty think so.

Behind me was my ready-made brother (I always call him that, since we weren't "born" until he was eleven and I was ten years old) who was still a little loopy from that awesome-sorry, terrible-curse one of the Death Eater put on him.

So we were in this huge room, right. And in the middle was a tank. And in the tank were...brains. Yeah, okay. Did I mention I don't particularaly like seeing dismemebered body parts? Is it _really_ too much to ask to keep the brains inside the people?

When Loony-I really have to stop doing that-_Luna _started for the other side of the room, I had to follow. She was my prop, because stupid "mrs. Boss" had to go and break my ankle. So we kind of looked like a cross between siamese twins and contestants in a three-legged race, because of my hopping.

And I think Harry was propping up Ron. And Neville was carrying poor Hermione. So we were all kind of siamese twins. With a posse.

So the Death Eaters came running in (you should see them during breaks. They are _so_ mean. They'll only sit with Death Eaters, never with the Order) and they were like, waving their wands arouund. They shot stunning spells all over, and even a couple of Avada Kadavra's.

Oh, and Ron summoned a brain. I'm am not kidding. A brain.

Told you he was loopy.

Everybody looked at him. I mean _everybody_. I'm pretty sure even Rowling herself was looking. 'Cause Ron looked pretty dumb. He was just standing there, letting the brain go up his arms. Then they started to squeeze.

Poor Harry was so frightened. He and Ron were real close, and I knew that he just hated when "Mrs. Boss" used Ron for bait. Which she did on a pretty regular baises.

So Harry was trying to pry the brains off, and Neville was shouting, and Ron was shouting, and the Death Eaters were shouting, and I was shouting. I think the only one who wasn't shouting was Luna. She was humming "Weasley is our King."

I was shouting at Harry to stop the brains from sufficating Ron, because anybody who's met the guy wouldn;t want him to die. Even if he is a prat. And before the words were out of my mouth, I got stunned.

I really, really hope this wasn't a test run. I don't thiink I could take this again.

**Review?**


	7. Ode to Dumb Boys

**I own it not**

I don't know if you know this ― you probably do. Boys are stupid. And mean totally, idiotically, absolutely _dumb._

Okay, so it was me and Harry, right? Standing right next to this guy, Sirius Black, who we just learned like, an hour ago, that he didn't want to kill Harry. He wanted to kill Ron's rat that wasn't really a rat. Does that make sense?

So anyway, we were next to him, and right on front of us was Ron and Professor Lupin, and they were chained to Peter Pettigrew, who used to be Scabbers. Did I mention that Ron was limping? Yeah, that's because Killer Sirius Black who wasn't really a killer had jumped on him and dragged him to the Shrieking Shack.

Wow, that made my brain hurt. Like, really, really hurt.

But back to the reason that boys are dumb. See, even though Ron was hurt (a really disgusting looking broken leg and a bloody arm) he had decided for some reason to be chained to Pettigrew, who was chained to Lupin, who was turning into a werewolf.

Uh-oh, Lupin's turning into a werewolf!

Harry stepped in front of me, as if he could protect me. So boys, even though heir dumb, can sometimes be cute and protective. Sirius transformed into a dog and left us.

So Lupin was out of the shackles, and the movement made his wand fall out of his pocket. I think me and Harry realized the same thing at the same time, so we tried to get to the wand.

But Pettigrew got their first, and he pointed the wand at Ron.

Even though the two animal-people were waging an all-out war not thirty feet away, Harry and I didn't move. All three of us, me, Harry, and Ron, were staring at the wand. Pettigrew had killed a lot of people, and Ron couldn't fight back, not with his busted leg and no chance to run. Maybe Ron would…

I think Harry looked away first, and then I looked away too, happy in a little-girlish way that he was holding me, not that I liked him, or anything.

So after turning his wand on Ron, Pettigrew turned into a rat. We looked for him everywhere, careful not to get to close to Black or Lupin. But how do you find a black rat in black grass next to a black forest on a black night?

I'll tell you the answer, you won't.

So we gave up and went over to Ron. I can't speak for Harry, but I knew my heart was thumping in double overtime. For all we knew, Ron was…

Harry reached Ron first, and a look of relief spread across his face. Although he will never, ever admit it, I knew Harry loved Ron.

But Ron was alive. Yea, another stupid boy on the earth!

Oh, and he looked totally ridiculous. He had some twigs and grass in his hair, and he was sort of smiling. Like an idiot.

**Reviews are really cool.**


	8. Ode to Weird Teachers

**I own it not**

I will say this once and only once, and you can not believe how much this is killing me. I, George Weasley, should have listened to Percy.

Why, you might ask? Because we (meaning Fred and me, of course) were currently looking up at Umbridge and Filch. And Filch had this big whip, and he was kind of waving it back and forth in this menacing way.

Anyway, the reason why I should have listened to Percy is because once-upon-a-time, he said that if we kept making trouble, our luck would run out. Which it has, kind of. I just don't believe that Fred doesn't have one more trick up his sleeve.

But it's not like we made the swamp just to make a mess, though with Umbridge that is reason enough. No, we had a purpose. We were the distraction for Harry. But really, we would have done it for anybody, 'cause that swamp turned out _so cool_.

And now Umbridge is talking, but I'm not really listening, just taking my cues from Fred. He always gets us out of tight situations like these. I look down at his hand, which is inching towards his pocket where he keeps his wand.

I know his plan now. It's ingenious, really. And so simple. Plus, we don't really have a reason for staying here, except to make Umbridge's life a living hell. We're off the team after all.

It was worth it to be kicked off the team just to see Malifoy's face, kind of stupid-looking and slow, and real red. Sorry, a little off-topic.

So when there was a lull in Umbridge's rant (she has a lot of those, you know. I think that's her only reason for living-to rant about stupid things like the Ministry and Half-breeds, even though Hagrid is totally cool) we both took out our wands and went _Accio Broom_.

They came to us, of course, very quickly and stopping right in front of us. We mounted them, half-expecting stunning spells to shoot at us.

But they didn't shoot anything at us, which was totally cool. Everyone was kind of gaping at us, as if they didn't believe that we were going against Umbridge. You know what, though? Umbridge is nothing compared to mum.

We took off, and Umbridge unfroze, like she was coming out of a sleep. "Stop them!" she yelled. Spells shot at us then, but we dodged them. I think Umbridge forgot that we were once the best Beaters in Gryffendor history.

"Give her hell from us, Peeves!"

Peeves swept off his little hat and saluted. He was always a nice ghost, Peeves.

Geeze, Rowling, can you right a sappier ending?

**So...yeah. Review.**


	9. Ode to Rabid Dragons

**I own it not.**

So I was helping out Hagrid, right? It was just a one-time kind of thing. I hoped. Anyway, this dragon of his was actually kind of cute. I can sort of see why Charlie likes these things.

I started talking about Charlie. Turns out Hagrid really liked him. I guess they both thought that large monsters that could swallow you whole were just "misunderstood" or something.

And talking about Charlie led to talking about Bill, who Hagrid only knew of because he had helped out when this stick-thing had gone crazy and tried to (for some strange reason) kill spiders three times as big as it was.

So then we talked about the twins. Hagrid _hated _them. Said they were always trying to sneak into the forest. I always said they were mental. In fact, I'm pretty sure George isn't a hundred percent human.

Then I gave Norbert (who calls a dragon Norbert?!) this rat. At least I think it was a rat. It didn't seem to have a tail. Anyway, I gave the dragon the Thing and the stupid animal bit me!

It really hurt, too. I kinda yelped and jumped back, which made the "baby" spit a bit of fire rate at Fang. He didn't like that.

I was holding my finger and standing there while the dog raced around in circles and Hagrid staring at me and the dragon did this whiny sound and then he fired me!

Hagrid, not the dragon.

I guess I didn't believe him. Either that or the dragon venom was taking effect. Do dragons have venom? 'Cause they look like they do. Anyway, he starts explaining that I should've worn gloves.

Like I always think about wearing gloves when I feed an animal.

And how I shouldn't have scared Norbert.

Like it was my fault it bit me.

By the way, I was so glad Mrs. Rowling made me afraid of spiders, not dragons. Otherwise, 'cause of her twisted sense of humor, I probably would have fainted or something.

And he sent me away, closing the door. Then — you'll never believe this — he started singing to it. A lullaby! If my finger hadn't felt like it was going to fall off, I would've laughed.

I had nowhere else to go, so I went to the Common Room. Harry and Hermione were still up, finishing this great long paper for Snape. The first thing Hermione says to me is, "Oh no! Ron, what'd you do to your finger?"

I looked down, and my finger was green. Yeah, green. And it was huge. Harry came over and stared at it for a little while, then he started laughing.

That made me feel so good, you know?

**I always wondered about that scene, so here you go. Now review!**


	10. Ode to Caves

**I own nothing**

I was scared. Seriously, I was. Harry and I hadn't had a chance to sneak into Ol' Rowling's computer for a while now. We didn't know if she was planning to kill Ginny or not.

That aside, this thing was pretty cool. I mean, who would have thought that in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom was an entrance to a place where a creepy basilisk was ready to kill the entire school. Or something like that.

I wish Lockheart would stop moaning. It's pretty obvious that he know no magic whatsoever. Actually, me and Harry were planning on feeding him to the snake. Kind of a human sacrifice. To bad we didn't get that far.

So now this teacher was pointing a wand at us, and yelling something about getting to the girl all by himself. (How's he going to get that far? The giant snake's going to eat him!) And he started waving _my_ wand around, telling us about his big plan. Harry looked at me, and he was smiling. I was smiling too.

'Cause guess what? We knew something he didn't know. My wand went Kablooy into the person who was holding it. So we weren't really in any danger.

Except we didn't take into account that this tunnel was about a thousand years old (literally). So as soon as the bozo waved the wand, the entire thing started collapsing.

I tried to stay with Harry. Partly because I wanted to save Ginny, and party because I wanted to see this huge basilisk thing, but mostly because the book's called Harry Potter, and Rowling wouldn't kill off Harry in the second book.

But we got separated anyway, and guess who ended up on the right side? I'll give you a hint ― it wasn't me.

So now what was I supposed to do? I had an absent-minded professor with me, and Harry (if he was still alive) had to face a snake by himself.

You know, if Harry was afraid of snakes, the world was in big trouble.

"Harry!" I yelled. "You there, mate?" I waited, but I didn't get an answer, so I started to dig through the rock. That would have been a lot easier if I hadn't decided to start on the bottom. Once I figured _that_ out, though, I was moving them at a pretty good pace.

"Hey Harry," I said as soon as I had a little hole, "want some help with the snake?"

Harry wasn't stupid though. He knew that if he let me tag along, I'd probably end up dead. "Nah Ron. You just stay there."

Whatever.

It's nice knowing your place in the world. Harry was The Boy Who Lived, the one with the scar and the fame and money. I was Ron, the...sidekick.

Yup, It's nice to know your place

**Happy New Year! Know wha my resolution is? To get more reviews.(hint hint)**


	11. Ode to Ears

**_I really wish I owned Harry POtter. I don't._**

**A/N: Don't read this if you haven't got up to chapter 5 in the Deathly Hollows. I swear there's nothing from past there (haven't gotten that far yet).**

Fred was cursing himself for not sneaking into the hard-drive earlier.

He was officially not-Harry now, and had arrived back at the Burrow at the point where Kingsley and Lupin stood guard outside. You want something weird? Have a werewolf look at you with concern. It's odd.

Anyway, the first words out of their mouths were something about security and questions. The second were about George.

Fred really didn't remember much after that. He ran into the house (he had to shove Hagrid through the door first. It wasn't easy.) right behind his 'father'. It was odd to see George lying on the couch covered in blood. Odd to see his reflection disturbed.

That was the point when he started cursing himself for not going into the hard-drive. It was he and George who had figured that trick out in the first place (sometimes they changed some of the details. How else did Harry get a yellow eyebrow?). But there had been a lot going on.

He hoped that George wasn't going to die right now. He was pretty thick, but even he knew it was only the beginning of the book. He'd have another 600-something pages to go without George, which was really not something he wanted.

Then George moved. Last time he checked, dead people didn't move. Unless they were cursed. Or ghosts. Okay, so dead people moved a lot. But George wasn't an Inferi-whatsit, and he sure wasn't a ghost.

Then he said something about "saintlike." That's when Fred thought he lost it, because if there were two people who were least likely to be saints, it would be him and George. Or maybe You-Know-Who and that Bellarix lady. Or Snape. Or maybe Malifoy.

And then there was something about "holy." Yeah, they weren't holy either (see above for details.)

"Get it Fred, I'm _holey_."

Fred got it, and groaned. "Of all he ear-related humor…" he honestly couldn't think of any jokes that had to do with ears, but he was sure they were out there.

And then mum started crying and Harry started being Harry-ish and everything was alright.

Well, not really, because You-Know-Who was killing people left and right, and George still had a bloody great hole in the side of his head, and they had no idea who was a friend and who was a traitor, and people kept coming up to them wanting to _kill_ them, and ….

**Oh yeah, review. **


	12. Ode to Winter

**About owning Harry -- do I **_**look**_** like Rowling to you?**

I hate the cold. I'm a very warm-blooded person. I need sun. So, yeah, winter basically sucks.

So staying outside all hours of the night to wait for two people to show up who probably won't is bad enough by itself. But in the cold? I'm miserable.

I hate you, J.K. I really do. Can't you make it warm for once? I mean, we're always playing Quidditch in the rain and the cold, and dementors don't make you warm, and --

And there's a very pretty animal. Huh. Look's like Harry's.

So, yeah, I'm an idiot. I follow the pretty shining patronus. But I'm not that much of an idiot. I let it get a head start. And guess who's following it? Yeah, it's Harry. Probably thinks it's pretty too.

Anyway, I'm following Harry who's following the doe. The doe's pretty. Did I mention that? And with the snow everywhere, it kind of makes everything glow. In a nice way. I lean against the tree, watching Harry.

J.K, here's the thing. Harry looks like an idiot. He really does. It's like watching a very bulky…bear. He must be wearing fourteen sweaters, and his black hair is sticking out in all directions. I have to try not to laugh, because, yeah, he really is funny-looking.

Until he starts stripping. I mentioned it was cold, right? Well, really, cold doesn't begin to cover it. It's frickin' freezing. Like you're constantly walking through Nearly-Headless Nick. So why Harry was stripping in this clearing really is weird. Harry usually doesn't strip, period…except for Ginny.

Sorry. It was a random thought. Blame Rowling, she made me.

I admit, I do nothing. It's fascinating to see someone with so little regard for cold. I half-wonder what he's going to do when he gets all the clothes off. Maybe dance under the full moon. Maybe he doesn't know wizards haven't done that for a couple hundred years. It'd be interesting to watch.

Okay, I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Ron, why are you watching Harry get naked instead of going to talk to him, you idiot!?" And my answer is -- would _you _like to talk to someone who's half-naked when it's cold? Oh, and the last time you talked, you kind of…yeah, you screamed. And walked out of them. Which you always swore you wouldn't do.

So Ron Weasley's a coward. Get over it.

Except…okay, Harry, I give up, what are you doing? J.K, you watching this? YO! He's jumping into a lake! And, yeah, he's done that before, but not when it's negative a billion outside! And he jumped in with only his boxers and the frickin' locket on! And…

No, no way. I think we just explained that Ron Weasley is a coward. He's not a hero. He would never risk his life for his best friend. Well, he might if it wasn't so cold. No, I won't do it. I won't.

Damn, I hate Harry.

So that's the story of how I ended up in this lake, freezing to death, still fully clothed (though Harry wasn't. Idiot.) I also found out that Harry wasn't committing suicide. He wanted a sword. Though, I admit, he might have wanted the sword to commit suicide, but…

Anyway, I hauled Harry out of that pond. I had to rip the necklace off first, then I had to get the sword, because Harry obviously wanted it. When I resurfaced, guess who was looking at me?

Well, it wasn't the doe, I can tell you that.

There's only a little more of the story left, so just hang with me. Harry was looking at me, and I always felt terrible whenever he looked at me with those eyes. So I kind of held out the sword (it was almost stuck to me. Remember the cold? It multiplied by a million when I was cold. I swear, my teeth were going to break from the chattering).

I gave Harry the sword, and I told him to put some clothes on, 'cause he looked cold too. Idiot. He shouldn't jump in freezing water.

And neither should I, J.K. Just a hint.

**Yet another pointless chapter, though I would appreciate a review.**


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